YOU...Might Be In Law Enforcement Too Long When....

You have the bladder capacity of 5 people.

You have ever restrained someone and it wasn't a sexual experience.

You believe at least 50% of people are a waste of skin.

Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.

You call for a criminal history check on anyone who seems remotely friendly towards you.

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.

You find humor in other people's stupidity.

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

Your idea of comforting a child is placing him in a papoose restraint.

You believe that "shallow gene pool" is sufficient grounds for arrest .

You believe the government should require background checks and permits prior to reproduction.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it's really quiet tonight."

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can actually track.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You have contemplated holding a seminar titled, "Suicide, getting it right the first time".

You believe that "too stupid to live" is a valid verdict.

You have to put the phone down before you begin laughing uncontrollably at the person on the other end.

You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.

Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

When you mention "vegetables", you're not referring to the food group.

It occurs to you one night that you really have entered, "The twilight zone".

You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around .

You are told to deliver a packaged human body part and you find yourself talking to it in the car on the way to the lab.

You believe its not a "good death" unless it involves overtime.

You are the only person introduced by profession at a social gathering.

You walk into places and people think it highly comical to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you, Frank!"

People shout, "I didn't do it!", when you walk into a room in uniform and they think they are being hysterically funny AND original.

You believe in involuntary sterilization on your say-so.