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RECIPE FOR A JOYOUS HOLIDAY MEAL FROM THE ALTERNATIVE GOURMET WHOLE ROASTED REINDEER WITH CHRISTMAS ELF STUFFING

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This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining.

The list of ingredients is as follows

1. 1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire. 2. 6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable weight. 3. 8 lbs. celery, finely chopped. 4. 8 lbs. onions, finely chopped. 5. 8 lbs. carrots, finely diced. 6.1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them and dice them. 7. 32 lbs. dry bread crumbs. 8.3 gallons chicken stock. 9. .salt, pepper, to taste. 10.Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire. 11.3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.

A.Saute' the onions, carrots, and celery in a large pan, using some olive oil, until tender. B.Brown the diced elves in the same pan until lightly browned. C.Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, and the chicken stock, season to taste with pepper, salt and garlic to taste. D.Stuff the dressing in the reindeer, then sew the deer shut.

As for roasting the whole reindeer; it is usually difficult to find to an oven large enough to do the job. So you will have to be creative. My personal favorite is to prop the reindeer up on a neighbor kids wagon. Then roll the whole shebang into the local grouches garage and set fire to the garage. If you can keep the local fire department at

bay for 3-4 hours the reindeer will be perfectly done.

This recipe will serve 175-225 hearty alternatively inclined diners.

P.S. Never hunt elves in the same area each year. They have long memories for such little beasties and they won't fall for the vodka trick twice in two years.

This is from Rick, a professor in Marketing. The kids are his; the story is true.

Last night my 7-year old daughter, Rox, was playing with a toy moose that she got at some Christmas party. She showed it to my 9-year-old daughter, Carey, saying, "Look at the reindeer I got"

Carey corrected her: "That's not a reindeer; that's a moose."

Rox, puzzled, asked "Why didn't they make it a reindeer? It's Christmas."

Carey, world-weary, sighed, "Bad marketing decision."

Morgan's Note: They sure grow up fast.

=========================================== Just a Nuisance... ===========================================

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room.

The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny and without comment, the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the cardplayers continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to jerk off."

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A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." -

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