A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing, to which the boy replied, yes he did, dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.

Callus Collection Florence Franklin of Peoria, IL, hold the record. As of Sept 12, 1992, Florence had over 200 pounds of callus in her collection. "I shave it off people," Florence told us. "They don't mind. Some people even autograph the big pieces."

Infestation of Mites (Group) This record belongs to the 3,859 residents of Itchy Butt, Montana. In 1989, visiting doctors certified that every person in the town was suffering from scabies, a skin disease caused by mite infection. "The mites seemed to be jumping from one person to another," the mayor of Itchy Butt told us, "so we decided to get together and go for the record."

Snail-Sucking (Live) Armand Forcalquier, of Marseille, France, holds the record. In a contest held on Feb 12, 1992, Armand sucked down 1,238 live snails in a little over 4 hours. "It was not easy," Armand boasted after he learned the record was his. "They cling to their shells, but they can't get away from me."

Nose Stuffing (Limburger Cheese) Hans Kleiber, of West Berlin, holds the record. In a contest held on May 1, 1986, Hans managed to stuff 13 ounces of limburger into his nostrils in less than a minute. Hans' closest competitor gagged on nine ounces and was disqualified.

Raw Kidney (Eating) Alice Caldwell of Butte, Montana, holds the record. On Oct 22, 1991, Alice gobbled up more than 14 pounds of raw veal and lamb kidneys. "Kidneys are a good source of protein and vitamins," Alice told us. "If you cook them, you lose some of the vitamins. As you can see, I don't care about the record - I care about my health."

Roach (Largest) Rita Carlson, of Pasadena, CA, claims the record for having raised the world's largest roach. Her record-setting roach is over a foot long and weighs close to two pounds (1992). "Plenty of protein," Rita told us, "and plenty of good, natural vitamins helped to make this roach into a champion. You should have seen it when I first found it crawling around my kitchen."

{There are a couple more roach records. One is highest paid for a roach named Lassie II ($112,450) and longest living (Lassie, 12 years). Both roaches came from roach afficianado Sheila Biderman. About the oldest roach, Sheila reports that "She's like one of the family. If she ever gets too old to poke around food by herself, you can bet I'll do the humane thing and step on her, record or no record."}

Socks (Continuous Wear) Andy Schwartz, of Glen Ridge, NJ, claimed the record in 1989. In a sworn statement, Andy's wife declared that he had worn the same socks every day for twenty years and 114 days. In 1983, shoe stores throughout New Jersey banned Andy from their premises. Since then he has purchased his shoes through the mail. Andy plans to remove the socks and take a look at his feet in 1999.

Tapeworm (Longest) Sally Mae Wallace of Great Grits, Mississippi, holds the record. On Sep 5, 1991, doctors extracted 37 feet (continuous) of tapeworm from Sally. "About after 20 feet of that thing had come out of my mouth," Sally told us, "I just knew I had the record. I was really filled with joy."

Tongue (Hairiest) Selma Ruby, of Dallas, Texas, holds the record. Selma's tongue is fully covered with hair (1992). "I've been thinking about having it removed by an electrolysist," Selma told us, "though lately people have been telling me that it's beautiful."

Underarm Hair (Length) Florence Floss of Ban, Idaho, holds the record. On July 15, 1992, the hair growing out of Florence's left armpit stretched to a length of 34 inches. This was more than enough for a record, but Florence hopes to have a yard of hair dangling from her armpit soon. "I shave the other armpit," Florence reported to us.

Feet (Smell) On Aug 21, 1991, Wanda Lake, 18, broke the record held by George David. Wanda removed her shoes in the crowded lobby of a Los Angeles theatre. In the five minutes that followed, the lobby was a chaotic mass of panic-stricken people trying desperately to escape. In the end, 42 people were sick, and 14 others had passed out.

Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years - and each time the package gets harder to open. This year the pants came wrapped in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube. The trousers are in the glove compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now Collette's plotting his revenge--if he can get them out.

It all started when Collette received a pair of moleskin trousers from

his brother-in-law, Larry Kunkel of Bensenville, Ill. Kunkel's mother had given her son the britches when he was a college student. He wore them a few times, but they froze stiff in cold weather and he didn't like them. So he gave them to Collette. Collette, who called the moleskins "miserable", wore them three times, then wrapped them up and gave them back to Kunkel for Christmas the next year.

The friendly exchange continued routinely until Collette twisted the pants tightly, stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide tube and gave them back to Kunkel. The next Christmas, Kunkel compressed the pants into a 7-inch square, wrapped them with wire and gave the "bale" to Collette. Not to be outdone, the next year Collette put the pants into a 2-foot-square crate filled with stones, nailed it shut, banded it with steel and gave the trusty trousers back to Kunkel.

The brothers agreed to end the caper if the trousers were damaged. But they were as careful as they were clever.

Kunkel had the pants mounted inside an insulated window that had a 20-year guarantee and shipped them off to Collette. Collette broke the glass, recovered the trousers, stuffed them into a 5-inch coffee can and soldered it shut. The can was put in a 5-gallon container filled with concrete and reinforcing rods and given to Kunkel the following Christmas. Two years ago, Kunkel installed the pants in a 225-pound homemade steel ashtray made from 8-inch steel casings and etched Collette's name on the side. Collette had trouble retrieving the treasured trousers, but succeeded without burning them with a cutting torch.

Last Christmas, Collette found a 600-pound safe and hauled it to Viracon Inc. in Owatonna, where the shipping department decorated it with red and green stripes, put the pants inside and welded the safe shut. The safe was then shipped to Kunkel, who is the plant manager for Viracon's outlet in Bensenville.

Last week, the pants were trucked to Owatonna, 55 miles south of Minneapolis, in a drab green, 3-foot cube that once was a car with 95,000 miles on it. A note attached to the 2,000-pound scrunched car advised Collette that the pants were inside the glove compartment. "This will take some planning," Collette said. "I will definitely get them out. I'm confident." But he's waiting until January to think about how to recover the bothersome britches.

"Wait until next year," he warned. "I'm on the offensive again."