===================================== A THANKSGIVING POEM =====================================
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned-- the dark meat and white, but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....... happy eating to all---pass the cranberries, please!
===================================== THANKSGIVING WINES =====================================
Michael Dresser in his Baltimore Sun Paper's wine column, Vintage Point, writing about the difficulty of recommending wine for Thanksgiving dinner writes:
Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast -- the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. (In France, by contrast there are three such days: Heir, Aujourd'hui and Demain.)
From The Seattle Times, Wednesday, November 27, 1996
===================================== THANKSGIVING =====================================
In 1620, the first pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock -- which marked the country's first commercial tie-in after Ford and GM were outbid. --Bob Mills
Thanksgiving is the day we give thanks for our cornucopia of plenty.... and feed Aunt Gertrude's asparagus Jello mold to Fido under the table. --Bob Mills
A 17 pound Thanksgiving turkey has been delivered to the White House. The Clintons had planned to have a butterball, but Newt Gingrich declined the invitation. --Bob Mills
=========================== BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE "GREATEST HITS" ===================================== (or, "Memorable Moments in Talk-Line History;" or, "Out of the Mouths of.... Turkey Trauma Victims")
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!
* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!
* Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have to interfere with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian. He called "Turkey Central" for turkey grilling tips while waiting to tee off from the 14th hole.
* Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, "How do you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained that fresh turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed.
* Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time for turkey tips.
* Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called to comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is more important than the President. He can take the day off, but the Talk-Line staff can't." (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open Thanksgiving Day, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., Central Standard Time.)
* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."
* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.
* White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey.
* A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting advice. To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist asked what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl paused, then replied, "Medium."
* A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting and wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting. Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist responded, "Yes," then offered complete roasting directions.
http://www.butterball.com/butterball/gr-hits.html
===================================== Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't ===================================== 1) Reach in and grab the giblets.
2) Whew, that's one terrific spread!
3) I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
4) Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist.
5) Talk about a huge breast!
6) "...and he forced his way into the end zone..."
7) She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.
8) It's Cool Whip time!!!!
9) If I don't unbuckle my pants, I'm going to burst!
10) It must be broken, cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out!
11) "All I want is stuffin'!"