A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?".

"One" said the young salesman.

"Only one" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars " said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well" said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, "You're weekend's messed-up, you may as well go fishing." *************************************************************************** *** **************

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. (Why? I don't know. Trust me. The guy's got a gorilla on his roof.)

So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla mover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof. I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his nuts and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

So the guy puts the ladder up and gets the bat & the shotgun and walks.towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, SHOOT THE DAMN DOG!"

******************************************************************

A mother and her small daughter were in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, "Mummie, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replied, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work." The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says,

"Ahhhhhhh, C'mon lady!!!! Tell your daughter the truth!!!! For crying out loud. They're hookers!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mummie, do the ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"