* Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays

* Stop circulating the "Good Times Virus" and "Join the Crew" e-mail

* Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to

* Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty

* Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly

* Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta

* Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten

* Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1.44MB disk

* Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail

* Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway

* Try the e-mail version of the Mrs. Fields cookie recipe

* Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today?", I won't laugh

* Think of a password other than "password" to use on web sites

* Never "throw" another snowball via e-mail; at least not 'til next year

=========== WHY SPORTS SCHOLARSHIP IS AN OXYMORON =========================================

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." -- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

"You guys line up alphabetically by height" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." -- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class" -- George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." -- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore." -- Yogi Berra

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann