================================= Some Useful Acronyms.... =================================

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms ISDN It Still Does Nothing APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity SCSI System Can't See It DOS Defunct Operating System BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control IBM I Blame Microsoft DEC Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too. WWW World Wide Wait MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

================================= Some groaners..some 4 star. =================================

Why do women rub their eyes whey they get out of bed in the morning? Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What's the fourth biggest lie? It's only a cold sore.

Why is sex like a bridge game? You don't need a partner, if you have a good hand.

What's the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your Mother-in -Law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

What's the difference between Mono & Herpes? You get Mono from snatching a kiss.

If our ancestors came over on a boat, how did Herpes come over? On a Captain's dingy.

Why did they have to cancel Driver's Ed and Sex Education in Mexico? Because the donkey died.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson & Richard Pryor? Pryor got burned by Coke, Michael Jackson got burned by Pepsi.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a porsche owner? With a porcupine, the prick is on the outside.

What is the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

What's the definition of Macho? Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

What is the difference between snowmen and snow women? Snowballs.

What has three teeth and sixty feet? The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.

What is the new O.J. web site address? Slash slash backslash escape.

What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? They're right! We do taste like chicken!

What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? What are YOU shaking for? She is going to eat me!

What is the difference between O.J. and the Lion King? One is an African lion.

What is the difference between a hormone, and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme.

Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms? For traction in the mud.

================================= Women & Sex =================================

70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none.

Women who respond to sex surveys in mags like Cosmo may have 5 times as many lovers as typical women.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.

Women with a Ph.D are twice as likely to be turned on by the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got a bachelor's degree.

Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

National birthrates rise and fall with the height of heels.

In a bar or nightclub, the hemlines and necklines of unaccompanied women rise and fall (respectively) during ovulation.

Women who have a postive attitude towards sex tend to be less achievement oriented.

White teenage girls who live with single mothers are 60% more likely to have sex before the age of 18 than those who live with both parents. The percentage is much lower for Black girls.

Women who lost their virginity before their 18th birthday are likely to be twice as sexually active as women who don't.

Atheists, non-Christians and Jews are tend to be more sexually active than practicing Christians.

Women who have spent a night in jail are almost 50% more likely to have had more than 10 lovers in the past year than women with no criminal record.

Australian women are more likely to have sex on the first date.

Latino women have sex more often than either Blacks or Whites, who get down at roughly the same rate.

Black women are 50% more likely than White women to come every time they have sex.

White women, especially those with a college degree, are the most receptive to anal sex.

20% of women who live with their boyfriends have more than one sex partner.

So, you know what this means? Yup...all you guys have to go looking for:

a 1/4 Aussie/1/4 Latino/1/4 Black/1/4 White Atheist with a Ph.D, wearing a low neckline and high heels during happy hour in a swanky bar, smokes, has a criminal record, reads Cosmo and Barbra Cartland, and who lived with her single mom! Shouldn't be too hard.

.....happy hunting