Subject: More

A Catholic minister went into deepest Africa in an attempt to work with and convert the tribe to the Catholic religion. He wasn't able to speak the language very well, so he hired a member of the tribe to help translate what he wanted to say to the tribe. He asked for and received permission from the Chief of the tribe, to speak to the whole tribal population at once.

He got up on a very large boulder that overlooked the central area of the tribal village. As he spoke, his translator was by his side on the boulder, and he translated all that the minister was saying. "If you let me, I will show you how to dig in the ground and get good water to drink and cook with". "Hoon-gow-wa!" was the large response from the tribespeople. "I can show you how you can capture animals without leaving your village". "Hoon-gow-wa" shouted all the tribe!! By this time-the minister was very happy with his effort. "And if you will let me- I will show you a way to make peace with the other tribes that are trying to take your land and your women". "HOON-GOW-WA" was the enormous response, that was so loud, that it scared away the wild birds in the nearby trees! This was the end of his talk and they had a large feast and much dancing.

The minister was well received by the tribe - indeed! Later that afternoon, the translator came up to the minister and said "The Chief of our people said that you have given him much joy. As a sign of his appreciation, he would like to take you on a tour to show you our animals and tribal land".

Well, the Minister was absolutely delighted at the acceptance that he had been shown! He thanked the Chief and told him that he felt honored by the Chief's offer. So the Chief, Minister, translator, and four warriors went walking through the small kingdom. As the Chief gave the minister the guided tour, the translator explained the different places that the Chief was showing the minister. He was shown a large sparkling stream, that was their water source. They all walked up a steep knoll that overlooked a large area that was bountiful in deer and elk, that was the meat supply. Then after another hour of walking, the party came on a very large lush green pasture that looked to have about a 100 cows (to the best guess of the Minister), the Chief said something to the translator and pointed, and the Minister asked "What did he say?"

"My Chief tells you to watch your step on this path, and to be careful not to step in the Hoon-Gow-Wa".

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Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other? A: How are you supposed to find an egg in this Hoon-Gow-Wa?

Q. What do you call a turtle with a hard-on? A. A slow poke. xx,.-xxxx-.,xx,.-xxxx-.,xx,.-xxxx-.,,xx,.-xxxx-.,xx,.-xxxx-.,

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts along the way. They soon filled their small pails and started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery.

One of the boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets dumping all of the nuts in a large pile. In the process two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me"

As they were doing this a passerby happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery but could not see the boys as they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.

"Father, Father," he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!!!"

"Whats the matter?" the father asked?

"No time to explain." the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!!!"

The boy and the father ran up the country road and stoppped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road, and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me One for you."

The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!!"

The father was skeptical but silent until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other...

"Now as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road we'll have them all."

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Husband wanting a divorce: "What's that perfume you're wearing? Wife: "It's 'Chanel #13', doesn't it smell great, and for $100 I could get enough to drown in. Husband: "I have $60!"

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A new twist on an old saying....You remember the one that goes: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach....Well,.... The way to a woman's heart is through restaurant doors.

a{@ a{@}x @}x

A moron takes his dog for a walk. After awhile he gets thirsty so he ties his dog to a parking meter in front of a bar and goes in for a couple of beers.

After he has been there for an hour or so the local policeman enters the bar.

"Whose dog is tied up out front?" The moron responds, "That's my dog. Is there a problem officer?" "Well she's in heat," says the cop." "Oh, she'll be all right. It's shady out there." "That's not what I mean. Your dog needs bred." "I gave her a half of a loaf this morning. She's fine."

At this point the policeman is becoming a little upset. "Listen fellow. You don't seem to understand what I am talking about. That dog needs to be a...a....you know....served."

"Go right ahead officer, I've always wanted a police dog."

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An American, a Scotsman and a Canadian are driving in a car when they hit some black ice and have a terrible accident. All three are thrown out of the car and are killed instantly.

The next thing they know they are standing outside the gates of Heaven. There is an enormous line-up of people waiting to go through the gates. It is pure chaos: there are dozens of angels trying to keep everyone in line and in order.

One of the three asks an angel what's going on. The angel tells him that there was a huge flood, a gigantic earthquake, a hurricane, tornadoes, etc. and that now there is a backlog of souls to be processed.

"Tell you what, though," says the harried angel. "We want to get rid of all this paperwork, so if you give me $500, I'll send you back to the real world right now." The American realizes this is a great deal. He whips out his wallet and pays the angel $500 on the spot.

*POOF!* The American is back at the accident scene. He stands up and is perfectly healthy. The cops and paramedics are amazed at this miraculous recovery and ask him what happened. The American relates the story. One cop scoffs at him.

"What about the other two guys?" he asks. "Why are they still dead?"

The last I saw of them," the American says, "The Scotsman was trying to talk the price down and the Canadian was saying 'Shouldn't the government pay for this?'!"

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An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "Your're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of supplies. "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."

So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.

The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."

The foreman is really pissed off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells "SUPPLIES!"

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A little girl received a watch and perfume for her birthday. She was so excited she pestered everyone all day to look at her watch and smell her cologne.

At dinner her mother said, "Honey, I know you're proud of your gifts, but please don't mention them while we eat."

All through dinner the little girl sat silently although she sniffed audibly at times and often raised her wrist to listen to her watch. As the meal came to an end, she blurted out, "I'm not supposed to mention it, but if anyone hears anything or smells anything, it's me." ***************

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders and used it quite often. But one day the officer found traffic surprisingly tame. After a long while, the officer found the reason: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.