Subject: Gift Giving
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding
anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone,
with the inscription: "Here lies my wife.....cold as ever".
Later, the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the
inscription: "Here lies my husband.....stiff at last"
Subject: stages of life
> THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
- 17Wine coolers
- 25 White wine
- 35 Red wine
- 48 Dom Perignon
- 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
- 17 Need to wash my hair
- 25 Need to wash and condition my hair
- 35 Need to color my hair
- 48 Need to have Francois color my hair
- 66 Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
- 17 shopping
- 25 shopping
- 35 shopping
- 48 shopping
- 66 shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
- 17 "Burger King"
- 25 "Free meal"
- 35 "A diamond"
- 48 "a bigger diamond"
- 66 "Home alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
- 17 tall, dark and handsome
- 25 tall, dark and handsome with money
- 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
- 48 a man with hair
- 66 a man
HOUSE PET
- 17 Muffy the Cat
- 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
- 35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
- 48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
- 66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
- 17 17
- 25 25
- 35 35
- 48 48
- 66 66
IDEAL DATE
- 17 He offers to pay
- 25 He pays
- 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
- 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
- 66 He can chew breakfast
THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
- 17 beer
- 25 beer
- 35 vodka
- 48 double vodka
- 66 Maalox
SEDUCTIVE LINE
- 17 My parents are away for the weekend
- 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend
- 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend
- 48 My wife is away for the weekend
- 66 My second wife is dead
FAVORITE SPORT
- 17 sex
- 25 sex
- 35 sex
- 48 sex
- 66 napping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
- 17 "tongue"
- 25 "breakfast"
- 35 "She didn't set back my therapy"
- 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids"
- 66 "Got home alive"
FAVORITE FANTASY
- 17 getting to third
- 25 airplane sex
- 35 menage a trois
- 48 taking the company public
- 66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
- 17 roaches
- 25 stoned-out college roommate
- 35 Irish setter
- 48 Children from her first marriage
- 66 Barbi
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
- 17 25
- 25 35
- 35 48
- 48 66
- 66 17
IDEAL DATE
- 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
- 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
- 35 "Just come over"
- 48 "Just come over and cook"
- 66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas