The following are actual newspaper headlines:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says > >

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers > >

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted > >

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case > >

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents > >

Farmer Bill Dies in House > >

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms > >

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? > >

Stud Tires Out > >

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over > >

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again > >

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands > >

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms > >

Eye Drops off Shelf > >Teacher Strikes Idle Kids > >

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victims > >

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 > >

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax > >

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told > >

Miners Refuse to Work after Death > >

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant > >

Stolen Painting Found by Tree > >

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies > >

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter > >

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years > >

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One > >

War Dims Hope for Peace > >

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While > >

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures > >

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide > >

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge > >

Deer Kill 17,000 > >

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead > >

Man Struck by Lightning Face Battery Charge > >

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group > >

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft > >

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks > >

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy > >

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire > >

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply > >

Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood > >

Lansing Residents Can Drop off Trees > >

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half > >

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies > >

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing > >

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing > >

Man Steals Clock, Faces Time > >

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff > >

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni > >

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board > >

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors > >

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction > >

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training > >

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies