Three boys were alongside a fence. On the other side of the fence a naked woman was sunbathing. Curious to see what's on the other side, the two older boys told the youngest one to see what's on the other side of the fence. The youngest boy was scared at first, but the two older boys wre adamant and determined to see what's on the other side. So they pushed the youngest boy up. When they asked what he saw, he ran straight home.

On another day the boys did it again. And again they asked the youngest boy what he saw. And again he ran home.

Finally on the day after that they did the same routine but this time they caught the boy as he was leaving. They asked him why he ran. The boy replied, "Because my mom told if I look at naked woman I'll turn to stone and I was scared because I felt myself getting hard."

An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.

When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything. He replied, "Oh no, thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol".

The elderly doctor promptly handed back his gin and tonic to the air-hostess said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."

One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they were cuddling later, Pinnochio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend; being a sensitive guy, he asked her, "What's the matter, baby?" Pinnochio's girlfriend gave a big sigh, "You're probably the best lover I've ever had", she said, "but every time we make love you give me splinters." This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advise from his creator, Gepetto. Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth out" Pinnochio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinnochio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinnochio and noted that his little wooden friend was buying every package of sandpaper the store had in stock. "So," Gepetto remarked, "Pinnochio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" "Girls?" said Pinnochio, "Who needs girls?"

A little old lady with blue hair entered the sex shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you, sell-l d-didildoes h-here?

The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop answered, "Uh, yes ma'am, We do."

The little lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-ave any ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"

Well......... yes ma'am, a few of them are about that big.

"D-do aa-ny of them ha-ave a v-v-v-vibra-a-ator?"

Yes ma'am, one of them does.

W-w-ell, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"